It started one Monday morning in October. I had my first session with my friend Michelle where we talked for about 30 minutes about how she came to find and love yoga and meditation as a spiritual practice for healing anxiety and depression. I related to a lot of her early struggles and wondered if meditation worked for her, could it help me too?
I’d mentioned in an earlier blog post, I Didn't Think I'd Like Meditation Either, that after Michelle discovered how much yoga and meditation helped her, she dove deep into learning the practices and becoming certified in several areas of spiritual guidance. So she graciously agreed to coach me through my first introductions of meditation.
We met for 3 weeks I met online to talk about how meditating was going and she gave me homework assignments to practice what she taught.
So I’m going to recap some of the lessons I’ve learned about meditating and what it’s been like for me over the last couple of months. My hope is that it’ll help give you a starting point too.
The textbook definition of meditation is to think deeply or focus one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for religious or spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation.
That's it. There's no elitist language that implies only some people or some religions can meditate. There's nothing about the definition that says it has to be done in ashrams or be done hours at a time.
In fact there are a lot of things that I thought meditation was but turns out I was very, very wrong.
I think the first misconception we should get out of our head is that meditating is for the gurus.
Meditating is not something only for old, bald men in India who wear orange robes, sit in beautiful, remote temples, fast for days and are quiet for hours. Meditation is a practice that even little ole me in my bedroom in Virginia can do and have been doing for about two months now.
Michelle had me start with just five minutes of silence every day. So that Monday after our session, I pulled my yoga mat from the basement, laid it out on the floor, told Alexa to set a timer for 5 minutes, crossed my legs, closed my eyes, and breathed.
Then my knee started to itch. Breathe in….breathe out… ignore the itch…breathe out...breathe in...okay, just one moment to itch…. Then the cats started sniffing me. Breathe in...sniff, sniff….breathe out...brush, brush against my hands...breathe in… oh man, they’re so cute. I opened my eyes for a quick peek at them. Oliver was rolling on the floor in front of me, begging for attention. I closed my eyes again. Breathe in...breathe out. Then there was a jingle in the room as ZuZu walked over to see what was going on. She brushed against me. She’s so soft, I couldn’t help but stroke her fur.
I tried to return my focus to my breathing. I tried to chant in my mind the phrase “om shanti” which is like an invocation or prayer for peace in Sanskrit. It’s supposed to help with focus and serenity. Suddenly Alexa went off. Scout, (my third and final cat) was in the room watching the performance skeptically. And I have nothing but a funny video to show of my first time meditating.
That’s when I realized that this was going to be a lot harder than I thought.
I also realized that five minutes is actually not that much time so I took it upon myself to do 10 minutes the next time. I felt like even with the cats, I was just starting to find my groove when the timer went off. So from then on I did mostly 10 minute sessions for the first month.
Another thing I realized is that chanting, out loud or in my mind, doesn’t work for me. Saying “ohm shanti” on repeat just makes me feel silly. Michelle explained that the purpose of the chant is to pray for peace. But it’s not a necessary part of the meditation process so after a week, I took that part out of my meditation practice.
Now when meditation leads me to prayer, I pray just as I would at the dinner table or at church. The difference with meditating though is that I try much harder to listen for God’s voice and silence my own.
That brings me to my second misconception that I think is important to note. Mediation isn’t one size fits all. I’ve written a lot about how anxiety and depression looks different for different people. I’ve written about how healing and help looks different for different people. Meditation follows suit. It can be different for everyone. You just have to find what works for you.
Which leads me to another modification Michelle told me for week two. Meditation doesn’t have to be done in an upright, criss-crossed position on the floor. Your meditation position shouldn’t be uncomfortable. So if you want to sit on a cushion or lay down in bed or sit on the couch, you can.
Here’s my experience with all three:
Upright on the floor: Felt most meditative, but I was easily distracted by my boney butt sitting uncomfortably on the floor is just the mat so the pillow helped a lot.
Laying down in bed: Nope, this was not a good option for me at all! Even on top of the blankets, my body thought I was ready to go to bed and it was really hard to want to get up after I was done. However, when I am trying to go to sleep, I really like doing a 10 to 20-minute guided meditation to help calm my mind. I rarely make it through the whole thing without nodding off. If you have trouble sleeping, try this and see if it works for you.
Sitting on the couch: I didn’t slink deep into the corner of the couch and curl up in a ball like I would if I was watching TV. I sat upright like I would on a yoga mat and found this to be pretty comfortable without putting me to sleep. In fact it was in the position where I stayed meditating for 20 minutes and where I’ve done my most meditating since.
A third misconception about meditating is that the goal is to completely silence your mind. For three weeks I kept trying to do this. I tried to make my only thoughts be breathe in….breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. That was just about impossible as my mind ran wild with thoughts.
Michelle and other meditation experts call this monkey brain. Like a monkey swinging haphazardly from tree to tree, our thoughts swing without conscious intention from topic to topic. With meditation, your mind is free to flow fluidly but always within sight. Rather than trying to perfectly quiet your mind, the goal of meditation is to think about your thoughts and then guide them where you want them to go.
When random thoughts pop into your head, the trick is not to just ignore the thought and hope it goes away. Instead, acknowledge the thought. It popped in there for a reason, right? So maybe it’s a thought that needs more time to ruminate or maybe it’s a thought that should be dismissed. It might sound a little hippy-ish, but you can thank the thought for speaking it’s mind and then guide your brain elsewhere.
One time I was meditating, and for some reason Zach Morris came to my mind. You know, from Saved by the Bell? For some reason my mind really wanted to acknowledge the fact that Zach was my first real TV celebrity crush. I’m not sure if there was supposed to be any deeper meaning behind his appearance. I didn’t wait around long enough to find out. I thanked Zach Morris and did my best to shift my mind elsewhere.
Another time, a single question kept invading my meditative state. It was a question my therapist had asked me the week before and for some reason it was stuck circulating in my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about it no matter how many times I tried to refocus on my breathing. By the time the session was over though, I’d found the answer. It was like an epiphany.
The fourth misconception about meditation is that it has to be done in complete stillness at all.
I’m pretty introverted. I don’t mind a weekend alone in my house while my husband is off on a camping trip. I always find plenty of things to do to occupy my time. And while meditation is something you technically do, sometimes I really struggle with the “not doing anything” part of meditation.
When I’m already in a relaxed state of mind from a good day at work or a lazy afternoon on the weekend, I don’t mind sitting still. However, there are days when I’m anxious or restless. These are the days I probably need meditation the most, but I just can’t find the willpower to slow down.
I was talking to Michelle during one of our weekly video conferencing sessions about this problem of quieting my mind and my body. I told her I find myself twitching a lot, itching in places I’ve never had an itch before. I told her that I never seem to get very deep into a meditative mindset because some thought or body part is constantly bringing me back to reality.
So she suggested walking meditation.
Unlike walking for relaxation, walking for meditation is not so much about looking outward at nature and taking in the beauty around you. It’s more about looking inward and letting your steps be the rhythm you focus your mind on as you let the rest of the world fade away.
So obviously, don’t do this on a busy road.
Perhaps there’s a park where you live that has a walking path or maybe you like hiking and there’s an easy trail you can take. This is not necessarily for physical fitness so don’t exert yourself so much that it’s distracting you from your mind.
I’ve actually done this on the treadmill at work.
At work, I find that a quick 10 minute break to walk in silence clears my head of unnecessary distractions.
My job requires creativity and sometimes I’m just all out of juice. Have you ever had to write a paper and just found yourself staring blankly at the screen? I get that way too.
Walking meditation for me is really useful when I want to focus my mind on a single problem rather than calm my mind into a relaxed, calm state. Walking outside with happy music also brings some peace when I’m overwhelmed and exhausted. I think to myself, “If I can take ten minutes to walk around this neighborhood then I have enough time to get all the things done on my to do lists.” And if I don’t even have time for a ten minute walk, then my to do list is way too full and I need to start picking and choosing what’s really a priority in my life.
Now am I good at meditating? Absolutely, not. Have I found peace and enlightenment? Not, really. Has my worldview become all about love and sunshine? No.
But those are really big, lofty goals that come from months to years of practicing daily meditation for hours. I’ve been meditating 10 minutes a day most days during the week. I’m not going to see crazy, profound results like entering the fourth dimension. And you won’t either in these beginner stages of meditation.
However, there are a couple of things I have noticed I do better now that meditation is part of my regular routine.
I can calm myself down during an argument. When my husband and I get into a heated conversation, I have a temper that makes me feel like I’m in control when really I’m spinning out of control. Now when it’s Sam’s turn to be talking, I focus on my breathing. This helps me listen to what he’s saying instead of just trying to jump in with my own opinions.
I feel at peace with the process of decision making. Usually I fret and worry and ponder endlessly all the possible scenarios around a decision that I have to make or an answer that I’m waiting for. Meditation in these moments helps me remember that everything will be okay. It also helps me focus on the positive side of every situation.
My brain opens up more creatively during mediation. I often find myself dreaming of projects I want to do or articles I want to write for the blog. Many of my ideas have come from these quiet moments. A thought or question will suddenly pop into my mind and as I think about it some more, I’ll start to envision how I’d share that new idea with all of you.
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