I’ve wanted to write these words for a long time but it’s been hard to formulate my thoughts let alone turn them into complete sentences and then transcribe those sentences here.
I’m tired.
For the last 5 months all I feel like I’ve doing at work is create, create, create. From July to November at the TV station, I either took over or launched four new segments on top of my regular daily reporting. And all of that took a lot of free time, brain power and creative energy. Energy that I stopped having for my blog.
And now for the first time in what feels like ages, I’m alone in a quiet living room with a relatively endless amount of time before me, sitting down to write.
I feel rusty, so bare with me. :)
I hate change. I'm a stickler for routine, for consistency and for what is expected. Change might as well be a four-lettered word because of the malice is sometimes holds for me. Which is why the phrase, 'the only constant thing is change’ is so ironic to me. We are always changing and those around us are always changing and our surroundings are always changing- but I think God protects us from noticing all the changes all the time because our brains would have a hard time processing it all.
I get migraines most often in the spring and in the fall when the weather is most in flux. Really what my body is responding to is the change in barometric pressure - that is, the amount of air in the atmosphere. Our brains have a barometer of sorts in our head and for me, it doesn’t like when the air pressure drops too fast, or rises and falls and rises and falls and so I get really bad headaches. Because the weather is more consistent in the summer and winter - I have less pain.
Our mental health often reacts to changes the same way. The consistency of change like aging or getting taller (or if you’re like my mom, shorter!) tends to go unnoticed day to day. But when there’s a sudden, significant change - our body can sometimes go into shock. It’s kind of the same way we might feel after experiencing some type of trauma.
Because this is something I wish I’d been told sooner - change, even good change, is traumatic. And it’s okay to feel all the stress, anxiety, sadness and fear that comes with that change because that is your body’s natural response to protect your routine, to keep you in your comfort zone.
I’ve talked a little bit about how this played out in my own life in 2018 when within three months I got my dream job, moved to a new city and married my husband. Those were huge changes in my life and my mind and body really struggled to find a new, happy normal. Instead, I ached for the past. Even though I knew it wasn’t what was best for me. Even though I knew I needed to move forward with my career. Even though I really did want to marry Sam. My mind still wanted to protect me from all the change.
Fast forward three and a half years, I’m going through another big season of change. But I’m proud to say I’m handling it a lot better than I did in 2018. And the biggest difference in my mental process this time is that I have repeatedly acknowledged just how hard this change is.
Just because I’m excited about making Reno, Nevada my new home doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard to say goodbye to Virginia.
Just because I love living so much closer to family doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my friends and family back east.
Just because I’m finally getting my chance to be an anchor and launch a new show like I’ve always wanted doesn’t mean that I don’t wish I could still be a Roanoke reporter with all my amazing coworkers.
Just because change is good doesn’t mean it’s easy. Change is hard. Period. Good change. Bad change. It doesn’t matter. Change is a break from your routine, a step (or push) outside your comfort zone.
Have you ever wondered why someone stays in an abusive relationship even when help, safety, resources, lifelines, etc. are available to them? Even when their friends and family warn them to get out? Even when the abuse turns violent? Even when the abuse could kill them, it’s still hard for them to leave.
That’s because change is hard even when it could save your life.
You’ve probably heard of the frog analogy before. A frog that’s put into hot water will immediately jump out because it recognizes the danger. But a frog that’s put in cold water that’s slower turned up will cook itself to death in boiling water because it’s unable to perceive the difference until it’s too late.
You need to remember that because it’s important to give yourself grace when faced with change. Even good change, dream-fulfilling change, can be hard. We might prefer to stay in the warm water and hope things will cool down or believe we’re strong enough to handle the heat. But trust me, sometimes you need to get out, dry off and look for a new pot to sit in.
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